Someone may wonder why I am not writing on the topic: “How To Tell Your Fiancee That You Are No Longer A Virgin.” Must it only be females who must bear the guilt of premarital sex? The matter is not about guilt here at all because as far as God is concerned sin is sin, whether a male or a female commits it. But you see, when it comes to the matter of sex, God puts the woman in a very special place not of guilt, but of honour to the extent that the word, “bride” is used to describe the relationship between Jesus and His Church (Eph 5:22-23).
On sexual matters, therefore, a higher level of honourable behaviour is expected from the female just because she is very special in male/female relationships.
Being special and being of high value in terms of sexual behaviour should not, therefore, mean that a lady should fret about how she will tell her fiancé that she is no longer a virgin. A man, who is strong and sound spiritually or emotionally or both should not be disturbed whether a girl he really loves is a virgin or not. If she has lost her virginity due to any deliberate or non-deliberate action of hers when she was still a spinster, now that she has agreed for a particular man to be her husband, see yourself as having won the race to have a whole human being as your own for life.
As earlier stated, females should not be worried. But before a man may ask: “Are you still a virgin?” A lady who senses that such a question may come up one day, may decide on her own to bring up the issue.
She should, however, not be uncivilised about her approach. She can put it this way: “Before I met you, I lost my virginity because I was not careful enough. I am not proud of it and I would really appreciate it if you do not mind our skipping talking about it as we build our relationship. It is a past I will not like to think or talk about. I am proud to have you as my future husband.” If the man insists on knowing more, the lady should let him know that she does not see how knowing more will help grow their courtship and marriage. If the man does not want to marry her because she refuses to go into details, he would still not have married her if she had gone into details.
If not telling the man the details is going to cause problems in her relationship, telling him the details may cause more problems. A man who has respect for his fiancee’s feelings should not go ahead by asking further questions.
A man who has had sex before should not exercise the moral right to keep on probing, while a man who has never had sex before can jokingly comfort himself with the fact that he has found a sex teacher. Enjoy your courtship without setting up panels to probe the past. Love you!
